Nov 28 2008
The Responsibility Pyramid
The Responsibility Pyramid
The Secret Sauce to a Successful BOD Meeting
Have you ever been in a discussion that seems to get nowhere, but the emotions and movement of the dialogue leave you completely exhausted? It’s the equivalent of the running back taking a handoff from the quarterback, running 35 yards and losing a net 2 yards. The running back ran laterally rather than vertically or up the field!
This is called horizontal communication. It is the learned art of talking a lot but saying nothing. Yes, it is true that some people have the gift of gab, but too many of us have learned from early on how to horizontally communicate by observing our parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, teachers, leaders and friends.
One of the key components to a successful Board of Directors meeting is the ability to vertically communicate by removing the excess verbal baggage and ankle weights that hinder our ability to effectively communicate and deepen the message.
Let’s start with the Rule of Engagement for the meeting. There is only ONE Rule of Engagement and when mastered, vertical communication will be second nature. Imagine doubling your miles per gallon by changing only one habit in your driving style?
Most folks communicate by having one foot on the brake pedal and one foot on the gas pedal. By removing your foot from the brake pedal in your communication you can effectively double the miles per gallon in your BOD meetings. By mastering the Responsibility Pyramid, you will learn to live this new habit in all of your communication.
The Rule of Engagement in the Responsibility Pyramid is to always speak above the line. This means, anytime you operate below the line, or in the pyramid, you are below the line.
Take a look at the pyramid and we will take it one step at a time. Open your BOD meeting with a Positive Focus. Record it. Gratitude Focus. Record it. (Legacy building!) Now you are ready for the body of your agenda. You should be on BOD #3 or greater by now.
Both of you agree to only communicate above the line! Now you are ready.
What is the typical reaction of someone who gets caught doing something wrong or making a mistake? This is not a hard response. In our home we go through a default series of answers:
1. The boys usually start with the dog. Doc did it. If that doesn’t work, they start at the youngest and work up.
2. Sam did it. If Sam is present and can defend himself, it moves up the pecking order but does not exclude friends and relatives.
3. I’ve even had one of my boys explain that his Kolbe made him do it.
We call this BLAME!
Now let’s filter this through two questions:
1. How does blaming someone or something else make the situation better?
a. It doesn’t.
2. How does blaming help with the learning process?
a. It doesn’t.
Since blaming has never proven to help any situation improve, we all agree that during the BOD meeting, we are not allowed to blame anybody or anything.
Have you ever been late to a meeting because you were busy doing something else and time got away from you? Think back on what goes through you mind as you drive to your appointment! I can vividly recall how everything that happens along the way, slow drivers, red lights, bad drivers, including all the things leading up to ME getting into my car late, phone calls, children, dog, Kolbe, etc. all played a HUGE role in my tardiness. In other words we…
JUSTIFY
…our inability to respect other people’s time so we try to remove responsibility from ourselves and onto other people or things.
Let’s filter Justify:
1. How does justifying make the situation better?
a. It doesn’t.
2. How does justifying help with the learning process?
a. It doesn’t.
Have you ever held someone accountable for something they agreed to do or knew they were responsible for? And then, when you hold them accountable they crumble, melt, fall apart and totally rip on themselves. I’m no good at that, you should never have me do anything like that, and I’m the worst at that. That’s not my forte; someone else should do that, not me. In other words they
SHAME
Shaming is a double boundary violation. First the person violates his own boundary by blaming himself and not accepting responsibility, and Secondly he wants you to accept this which then violates your boundary and makes matters worse.
Let’s filter Shaming:
1. How does shaming yourself make the situation better?
a. It doesn’t.
2. How does shaming help with the learning process?
a. It doesn’t.
Have you ever attended a function, party, meeting, or family reunion because you had to? In other words, out of obligation? My bane over the years is attending meetings. Poorly run meetings drive me bonkers. They are frustrating and they waste my precious time. I have resorted to many strategies to contend with other people wasting my time (where am I on the pyramid?)
There have been times when my frustration comes out during the meeting. I was there due to no choice of my own and I made sure they all knew that. I was under…
OBLIGATION
… to be in attendance and all would equally suffer because of it.
Let’s filter how Obligation fits:
1. How does being obligated and spreading the misery make the situation better?
a. It doesn’t.
2. How does being obligated and spreading the misery help with the learning process?
a. It doesn’t.
We covered the four checks we can each focus on to improve our communications with others, especially our spouses during a BOD meeting. The last one is very difficult.
Here is a key to improving your position in life. You must agree that there is a sliver of a chance that you could be wrong! Let me express that concept again. Is it possible that you could in any remote degree be wrong? If you cannot see any way that you could be wrong when discussing a point of view, you are in denial.
There is only one instance, as far as I can judge, where this rule as an exception: The 1972 Miami Dolphins are the greatest pro-football team in history! Oh wait, I just remembered another: Neil Diamond is the greatest singer/songwriter in the 20th Century. There is just no chance I could be wrong. Other than those two items, if you ever find yourself in a position that only other people (spouse) can be wrong, YOU, my friend, are in…
DENIAL
…and you are no fun to be around or to communicate with when that is happening. So here with go with our filters:
1. How does denying any chance of being wrong make the situation better?
a. It doesn’t.
2. How does denying any chance of being wrong help with the learning process?
a. It doesn’t.
Years ago Dr. Marshall Thurber, who taught me this principle, was consulting with a large utility company in California. After teaching this concept to the company they all agreed to be held accountable for their actions. They did this through a teaching method, meaning, they delegated thinking and responsibility to others. Here is how it worked:
Each time an employee would communicate below the line, a fellow employee was empowered to ASK:
Is that 2 bucks?
If the perpetrator deems herself guilty, she would place two dollars in a Fund-raising jar for a designated charity. At the end of one year, the Utility Company employees had raised over $40,000 for United Way. The fundraiser did not work as well in the second year!
Since residential rates are always less than commercial, perhaps agreeing to a $1 buck charge would be more agreeable in your household? Use the money for a local charity or a family party.
Notice the question: Is that 2 bucks is not a statement. By saying: That’s 2 bucks, you are rendering a judgment and placing the culprit in a defensive mode. Give her the chance to actively respond and learn. If they are in denial, shrug your shoulders, smile and move on. Just learn from the experience and be sure not to repeat what you just witnessed.
By mastering the Rule of the Responsibility Pyramid, you put yourself in a great position to learn, improve, vertically communicate (go farther and faster on the same tank of gas) and to greatly improve your marriage.
If you think improvement is beyond hope, help or necessity, I have only one question for you:
IS THAT A BUCK?
